1) Never trust a cop in a raincoat.
2) Beware of enthusiasm and of love, both are temporary and quick to sway.
3) If asked if you care about the world's problems, look deep into the eyes of he who asks, he will never ask you again.
4) Never give your real name.
5) If ever asked to look at yourself, don't look.
6) Never do anything the person standing in front of you can't understand.
7) Never create anything, it will be misinterpreted, it will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life.” - HST, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
A long time ago, I started giving male strangers I'll likely never see again a fake name. As a relatively small female adult, an extra layer of protection against a situation I can't entirely determine is safe or trustworthy seemed an OK justification to lie. Part of that urge is survival instinct, but another portion is sheer anxiety-produced paranoia. I know logically something is not bound to be a shitshow, but....what if it is? Studying history and interacting with people for 40 years, I'd venture to guess, the world does just be like that sometimes. Dinosaurs didn't think, "Hmm, this chomping and stomping is going to end in a sad, slow heat death sort of way," and look what happened to them. We can think like that, but collectively, seem to be having a difficult time with accepting that we're responsible for making the Earth into a basement metal show - hot, humid and highly volatile.
So, partially out of paranoia, I lie to complete strangers about my name. My go-to name is fairly commonplace as a first name, nothing that raises an eyebrow as weird or overtly made up. My actual name however, does raise suspicion in people, which is why, especially when interacting with someone that may be intoxicated or a psychological unknown to me, the old standby is of use.
Most recently, I heard this name slip off my own tongue on a crowded train coming home from a concert. My male friend departed after the first stop and I was sitting alone surrounded by a group of mildly intoxicated dudes returning from the same event. I had no book, headphones or other barriers to ward off conversation, so I knew it was only a matter of time. My presence, sitting quietly, looking out a window, was too much for the man across the aisle to bear. As I was also masked, he had to know... why? My explanation of why I was in a mask of course opened the door to further conversation. Even though I did not use my real name, most everything I said in the conversation was largely true - I was married, had a daughter, taught high school history, was 40 years old, et al. My emotional responses remained real as well and perhaps were easier to call up since I was not "myself." Despite being a person who predicated the trust they set forth as acting "in good faith" in this conversation on a fake name, I was actually honest throughout.
My takeaway from the event is threefold: first, it's not an exaggeration to say women face additional threats in this society by simply existing as woman. Living as a woman and female for a number of years, you're hit with the absurdity of the sexual dimorphism of our species - the cruel biological realities of being a female human make existence fraught with dangers that the roughly half of adults do not have to think about on a daily basis, or possibly ever.
The second take-away is that a pseudonym provokes a degree of liberation. It's like wearing a Halloween costume, or more recent in everyone's mind, a mask over half your face. But, unlike pandemic masking, pseudonyms and Halloween costumes typically hinge on assuming a false identity as well. The playful aspect of willingly giving someone a name that you normally do not go by frees you from all of the responsibilities tied to your daily grind.
Finally, despite the fact that the dude initiated a conversation with me on the grounds of mask-shaming, once I explained myself, his demeanor changed. His guardedness and need for vengeance, ready to be called a science-denier or anti-vaxxer, dropped as soon as there was no hostility in my voice. By responding to his query as though it were a question worthy of a response, made the situation bearable for the both of us. In the past, I have written quite a bit about the breakdown of communication due to the advent of social media and the anonymity associated with it. Face-to-face interactions are essential to the survival of our species. We are a social species who cannot bear the weight of constantly having to interpret the tone of someone's response from 140 characters before we formulate our reactions. So please, get out there, give someone a made up name and live.
Musical Epilogue:
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