This week I saw "Captain Fantastic" in the theater. The movie's plot revolves around the Cash family's (6 children ranging in age from (approx) 6 to 18 and their father) journey from their home in the forests of the Pacific Northwest to New Mexico for their mother's funeral. The mother committed suicide after years of living with severe bipolar disorder initiated by by postpartum depression. The children have been raised by the parents "off the grid" - living off the land and being home-schooled through books and intellectual discussion. Their adventures outside of their homestead range from comical to heartbreaking, with the children (and father) encountering few who truly understand their way of life. Although it seems as though the entry into the "real world" will ultimately tear the family apart, in the end, they adjust enough to gain legitimacy in this world while still retaining their core values.
Now, there's a lot more detail I won't go into as not to :"ruin" the entire movie- and can you believe, I had the audacity to not write SPOILERS on the top of this post? Wow. Shameful- but I left the theater with tears in my eyes because it was just so damn beautiful in the end. Truth be told, I have written about running away from civilization a bunch of times in the past and have a propensity to romanticize this scenario of running wild, so this is most definitely NOT objective. However, the possibility of an alternative lifestyle/point of view in these "modern" times was refreshing, even if only fictional. To watch Dad Cash challenge his children physically, mentally and emotionally, in a loving and open environment, brought forth a desire to teach my own in such a way. Their household was much more democratically run (and any sort of authoritarian decrees he made received push back from the children) than most American children experience. Such an environment allows for children's voices to be heard. The most crucial aspect of the relationship between father and children was this way in which he spoke with them - he never talked at them, nor insulted their intelligence by talking DOWN to them either. Even the youngest child's opinions were validated - this was not in a 'great job, Johnny!' way either. For example, he asked his father about sex and was provided an answer that 1. he would understand based on his age and experience, 2. was not a lie or half-truth that you often hear adults relay to children to avoid talking about serious topics. How can children learn about the world if those that they look toward and trust in lie to them? Bodily functions and the cycle of life (so yes, questions about the human body, sex and death) are all important topics that should always be answered truthfully but also in a way that relates to the child's development. When children are sufficiently responded to, they tend to be content enough to move on from the subject. What adults tend to forget is that most children have the capacity to detect when people are being fake. I see this with high schoolers all of the time - their emotions are more like those of children than adults and they are very in tune to the "vibes" the adults in their lives are giving off. This is not actually a negative. In fact, I think being more in touch with one's emotions -having raw, real experiences - can be much more helpful in learning about yourself and your place in the world than the walled off sort of emotions most adults have cultivated through years of suppression.
As a mother now, I worry about my child growing up with the practice of constantly documenting one's life online.What sort of effect will being a "digital native" have on her emotional development? Her psyche? Will she be just as disengaged as the Cash family's cousins are in the movie - totally engrossed in their phones and video games? Is it cruel to deny her access to cell phones, television and the internet, especially if those items are in the house and used by adults? I would hate even more to be a hypocrite and tell her she could not use certain devices if I had them myself. So it makes me wonder whether it's too late for most of us, who have acclimated to this world to raise children who can transcend the "veil of maya" that is the digital world and use it to their advantage or to realize its limitations better than we can now. I cannot answer any of these questions yet, and it disturbs me to a large degree. The movie imparted in me a desire to break free of the, "well, this is how it is now so if I can't beat 'em, I better join 'em," sort of mentality with which many seem to approach negative trends in society. Hell, if I was going to think that way, I'd have a Trump sign on my lawn! I would rather experiment and stumble a bit at first than box myself (and my child) into a life of meh. To me, the entire message of the movie was just that - to be human, you have to try things out. Otherwise people get hurt both emotionally and physically. The "being" part of human being requires us to DO, not just "to be." (yes, I'm taking some liberties with parts of speech, chillax)
