Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride

Over the past two months, I've been plagued by a sense of writer's block. Not that I amount to any great or prolific "auteur" but energy flows through me when I write in a way it doesn't necessarily do so in public speaking or even one-on-one conversations. So with an inability to find that as an outlet, two months of observations on the world around me became bilious and much in need of expression - sex scandals, harassment accusations, "45", the Republican "anti-American Dream" tax bill, social media overload, work-related stressors, day-to-day worries - woof. Much as I tried to avoid it, I was stuck in the 24 hour news cycle hell that dominates our modern media paradigm.

This was destined to continue - a  kingdom of bullshit around us, evident, yet impossible to break away from. At least that is what I had resigned myself to...until this week, anyhow.

Today I spent a portion of the afternoon reading the NYT magazine section from Dec 31, 2017 - dedicated to the obituaries of various influential people who passed on this year. Coupled with the last few days' "best of 2017" lists, I began to reflect more deeply on the year and why so many people wait until the changing of the calendar page to make any actual changes in their lives. As someone who doesn't often make resolutions at year's end, what ultimately resonated with me was the fascination of what we, as individuals, do give significance to in our lives. Whether live performances of the music we love or really great conversations with friends, so much of what enriches our experiences as living beings are our interactions....with other living beings.

Painful as that admission may be for a person who wears "Hell is other people" socks on a regular basis, the evidence proves otherwise. And within this admission of the necessity for other people, the end-of-year recaps and hopeful resolutions also speak to the fullness of our lives. We don't acknowledge this often enough in the day to day, but as beings with an unknown expiration date, the constant flow of negativity and misery we subject ourselves to through media consumption and constant distraction from what's right in front of us is ludicrous given our short time here.

Losing sight of the forest for the endless trees can provoke existential distress in anyone. But of course, when we zoom out, even the healthiest forests harbor rot and decay as much as they are burgeoning with new life. On top of that, there are many paths through each of our lives, yet when we find a walkable one, we tend not to veer too far off of it. I've faced this personally and professionally many times and up to this point, most of the choices I have made have been to stay on a particular path.

 But to what end? Robert Frost's "The Road Less Traveled" comes to mind as I can sit and regret things I didn't choose to engage in. Though, the idea that two roads could never intersect or hold twists unseen puts a lot of faith in the idea that our choices have totally foreseeable outcomes and everything will go the way we intend. Unfortunately, our lives do not unfold in that way, and as someone who is now in her mid-30s, any such philosophy that sets the individual up as a creator of her own destiny has no appeal. Much of what we experience is by chance, including what sort of environment we're born into or skin we're in. Thus, the emphasis on the individual working hard for something or willing it to become reality sets so many people up for not necessarily failure in execution, but with a belief that existentially, they are failures themselves.

Ultimately, we know how to get by. We know what sort of resolutions we'll make year after year, but what would really make our lives better? How could we open ourselves up to more experiences? See the forest for what it is - in all its cycles of growth, death and rebirth? If you have suggestions, let me know.