If you ever want to meet the closest thing in this society to a Sisyphus, it's surely a history teacher. This could be an instructor for any age currently enrolled in school. To watch the inexorable march of time through terribly written essays and incorrectly labeled maps takes an incredible amount of patience and acceptance of humankind that never receives enough credit. History teachers are the bassists of the education field - integral, yet somehow relatively easy to step in front of for the spotlight. But we don't mind.
I write this tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, it is truly maddening to be a history teacher during times in which there is little regard for what has been tried and has failed in the past. It's no surprise anyone in positions of power try and suppress access to knowledge. Of course, this could and does include lawmakers, but also includes anyone who stands to profit from intentionally omitting vital information for consumers and the wider populace. Choices are already being made before we're even presented with a reason to make a choice. Fate is guided by a hand that is invisible in its occlusion behind the law.
On another level, the experience of being a history teacher who not only covers factoids, but tries to create a broad tapestry for students to see how various aspects of human society work interdependently, has also opened up a chasm of understanding that points to the futility of it all. The same questions have been posited and worked through for millennia. For all of recorded history. And before that, if we could find proof. Since the artwork produced throughout has, in many ways, relayed certain universal constants across space and time. Despite any changes we make to the cultural and geographic environments, we still end up as a species in comically similar experiences with only stylistic changes.
One side of me knows this is the cyclical nature of things, that there's nothing sinister about it. The other side sees the continual patterns and becomes overwhelmed by how little we seem to learn that if this experience is only this cyclical live-born-die, then why aren't we working to make it the best for everyone? After all of the historical evidence, the literary output, artistic expressions, we still act untethered from that reality, as if whatever lay ahead has to be better, if only I can get there first. It's like if someone's going to get to heaven, nirvana, the afterlife and colonize it for themselves and their ilk. Monarch butterflies take generations within one year to reach their destination from Mexico to the mid-Atlantic region. Their genetic code works collectively for the benefit of the future, not to its detriment. Ours once did, but somewhere along the line, we also learned how to manipulate the perception of our own experiences. I'm not sure how we get back to that point of cooperation and trust - it will take generations. It would likely also take reclaiming our time and attention from technology and other traps of modern convenience. Using our hands, our minds and our hearts to connect not only with each other, but the material world around us, grounds us in what we experience on a daily basis.
"Bea says that the art of reading is slowly dying, that it's an intimate ritual, that a book is a mirror that offers us only what we already carry inside us, that when we read, we do it with all our heart and mind, and great readers are becoming more scarce by the day." - Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind
At some point in the recent past, people stopped reading long form texts. It's been a challenge to teach in these times when "the few and far between" have the capacity to grasp the importance of reading to the formulation of thought. Sure, we read all day long - text messages, tweets, statuses, ads, article headlines, and so on- yet, when you think about how often, you, the reader here, truly reads in any real sense of the word, you realize how often the act is pushed to the wayside. More important and pressing matters or through a sense of inertia or outright laziness, reading is replaced by scrolling through a social media feed for another ten minutes before bed. I get the urge to give in to this, I really do, but I also make time to read because I find it to be a valuable source of information in the case of non-fiction (and not in the form of facts simply filling up an empty vessel, but more like fodder for the intellect). As a student of history, one reads not only to understand the past, but to project into the future. A gestalt reading of historical texts considers events in the context of human development, not just as a list of dates, events and people for memorization.
And fiction? Well, fiction helps us to enter the mind of someone beyond ourselves. This glimpse into the workings of the thought processes of those outside of our own minds can not only provide us with the space to reflect on our own, but can prepare us for future encounters with different people and situations. The simple act of reading has been proven to bolster feelings of empathy for others, even those outside of our own immediate identity groups. Fiction, in particular, has this effect. Unsurprisingly, the more you understand how others approach situations and internally mediate their experiences makes you less likely to judge those around you. Wow - who would have guessed?
Yet, beyond reading, most activities people engage in do the exact opposite and instead foster a sense of narcissism.We cultivate an online persona for others to ingest; posting pictures or stories that portray only particular aspects of ourselves. Added onto such personal practices, the marketing ploy of micro-targeting (we see advertisements and news stories that further validate any confirmation biases we may have about the world around us AND the types of people in it) and you have a recipe for a very tight bubble beginning to form around each person.
So what are the effects of these inward-looking trends? They tend to feed a fear of an "other." Of course, the sense of the "other" is nothing new. But in an era of globalization, why is there not a dampening of such fears? In light of the most recent American presidential election, it is evident that there are serious issues plaguing this nation both politically and socially. We could write off any focus on the individual and identity-based politics as the common reaction to a wide-scale movement like globalization (eg: localization movements). Yet, I would contend this balkanization represents a different phenomenon altogether and is directly tied into the narcissistic behaviors encouraged by social media and consumer capitalism. It's amazing that now we can make ourselves unique and different for only three easy installments of $29.95! And though I kid, this sort of focus on consumerism has sounded a death knell for true democratic involvement. Consumer choice has become a stand-in for political freedoms. People engage by buying a shirt emblazoned with a logo of Standing Rock (as worn by a famous person they love!) rather than engaging in a more meaningful, and lasting, form of engagement. This, along with using personal online spaces to like, share and post information important to causes one cares about, has allowed people to feel as though their voices are being heard and that they are using their time to "do" something. It is no wonder so many Americans feel as though to country is on the wrong path - for try as they might, there do not seem to be any improvements underway. This must be a baffling paradox- the more "engaged" people feel they have become through their tiny virtual soapboxes, the more their voices get lost in the echo chamber.
Alongside the evolution of hashtag activism, very slowly, perhaps, those who don't share our statuses or articles or who aren't using the proper nomenclature become members of an out-group that we don't want to associate with. The "othering" of our neighbors, family members and political rivals has ended up quite literally making people feel like there was nothing left to live for on Nov 9, 2016. This feeling was wholly unprecedented - sure, people were upset after Obama won in 2008 or after Gore lost, but the massive bubbles of biased perception created by social media usage and endless cable media coverage truly made these most recent results unique in their reception.
So what do we do? How can we move beyond identity politics or is there a way to embrace the focus on individual groups and their struggles as well as coalesce into a larger identity when necessary? I have read many articles both about why identity politics need to end and about what will be lost of there are more coalitions and less factions.Will civil rights be thrown to the back burner for groups who feel underrepresented? Will there be less of a chance for egalitarianism? Yet, if each identity group is to continue fighting for equal footing, only those with the sheer numbers will win out (as the ascendancy of Trump in 2016 under a banner of white identity politics proved, to the shock of all). This will continue to happen unless political messaging undergoes a radical change.
A plausible answer is to embrace the subjectivity of both the human experience and of values as well. No one set of American values can be correct, for even within a particular identity group, there can and will be diversity. Returning to an old stand-by topic for me - control - we see that each group within the identity politics game seeks to control the current discourse. This control is, as all, suppositious. Only with an embrace of nihilistic existentialism will a society be able to move past desires to categorize, control or even destroy differences. The realization that everything and everyone is difference in itself, and thus, the same can only be achieved through the dissolution of labels. Through such an awakening, the only answer could be to embrace the absurdity of life before moving forward, only now with a profoundly different view of all of those around us. To return to the beginning comments on fiction's importance in our lives, the continued practice of reading would provide us with the ability to discern what is fiction and what is not. Our personal narratives, however true they may be, when distilled through the filter of social media or even language, become fictionalized to an extent. The recognition of this subjectivity would break down barriers between us all because there would be realization that others' experiences are as valid as your own.
So I leave you with a song, because, like reading, good music can also sow the seeds of empathy. It is through the reading of fiction (and I would contend, reading in general), that we can challenge our minds to grow more open:
Through fiction we saw the birth Of futures yet to come Yet in fiction lay the bones Ugly in their nakedness
Yet under this mortal sun We cannot hide ourselves
Being a introvert is not something that seems to be very well understood by people who are not introverted themselves. I understand the extrovert and what makes them tick – does it make me able to be like them? No. But I understand them or at least I think I do. The introvert is much more difficult to navigate and I think probably has more subtypes or degrees of, although since I do not speak from experience, I am sure that there are degrees of extroversion as well. I think I finally have come to realize what my other introverted friends have meant when they've said to me over the years, "yea, I just need time to recharge and be away from people." I resisted that line of thinking for a long time. I thought, "nah, I'm so busy! I can't possibly be like that!" But yeah, I am, and I am coming out of the closet as someone who needs to get the fuck away from people sometimes before I go insane.
I assume that people think that I might be an extrovert since I am a teacher AND I have a high level of patience for annoying shit, but that is not the case. The first few days (or even weeks) of school are very hard for me. Not only do I have the back to school night with parents looming over my head, but the first few meetings with the students are typically painfully quiet. As a teacher, i usually detest quietness in my room. If it’s quiet, it’s awkward, yet even an atmosphere of awkwardness cannot bring me to really successfully engage in small talk. Awkwaaaaaard. Introversion has probably led me to miss out on certain opportunities in my life – from leadership roles, to friendships, to cool hang outs and parties, but generally, I am OK with that. I do not have an overwhelming sense or fear of missing out. My "fomo" factor is pretty low.
Recently I have been approached to take a leadership role in two institutions. This post is not to toot my own horn about being chosen. It’s actually to admit the following- I’d prefer to be left alone or to have never been asked at all. Same thing goes for praise or awards. It’s great to be awarded and flattering to be recognized for doing good work, but at the same time, I would prefer to just fade into the background. It’s weird that someone who has studied history for so long would really prefer to not be recognized for their merits, since I am talking about people who have been recognized for theirs day after day, but I think it actually makes sense. History: A Cautionary Tale. I have seen the damage that fame and power have done to many. The degree to which people change when exposed to recognition happens over and over again. I know that anyone could be corrupted. Even the most moral and reasonable of people can change. I am afraid that it could happen to me too. But I think the introversion is more of the driving factor here. I don’t want people looking at me, noticing me, and worse, criticizing me for actions I take. Is that cowardly? Maybe. I would see it more as making me so uncomfortable that I would be distracted from doing a good job at whatever it was that I was supposed to be doing. I actually have so much fear about becoming pregnant one day because of the amount of attention that it would bring to my being. People, strangers even, would stop to talk to me, ask me questions, etc. AHH!! Someone hit the panic button!
I can talk with the best of them, but I have to really know a person and be invested in the relationship. Like I mentioned earlier, if I have to make small talk, it is torturous. It’s not because I am mean or I dislike anyone, but more so because I just cannot deal with the awkwardness of having to restrain myself from saying things that I shouldn’t around “mixed company” – in fact, this is what makes me so hesitant when it comes to thinking about being in a leadership role. I might have good ideas, or even the ability to inspire people (*toooooot*vomit*), but I cannot fathom having to rein myself in even in the slightest. Again, is this selfish and uncalled for? Should I just grow the fuck up? I don’t know. But I do know that the discomfort that it would bring to me to have to bite my tongue makes me want to avoid situations in which I had to like the plague. I think the reason I love the British so much when it comes to their style of humor revolves around their ability to turn the rules of decorum on their heads while still being delightfully polite.
I talk a lot about never fearing love and reaching out to embrace all mankind and all that jazz on this blog, but sometimes I really just want to kick someone's ass. I wonder if Gandhi ever said something like that. I dislike being associated with the word curmudgeon, but it's probably not too far off from my being true (on the inside at least). But that is probably the introvert in me - trying to exert some control over the situation by avoiding it. I not so secretly DO hate people sometimes. But I try to get over my hatred by acting kindly. I’d really truly love to be the swift hand of justice sometimes though and just smack someone who deserves it clean across the cheek with no chance of them retaliating. BAM! I’d LOVE to slap the stupid out of people, and I do, in my random rantings and in my mind. Like a slap for that lady who didn’t smile for 40 years to prevent wrinkles. SLAP! Or those people who didn’t vaccinate their children and then infected other people’s children with measles. SLAP! Or that state senator in Montana who wants to ban yoga pants in public. SLAP! Self-absorbed, self-aggrandizing, endlessly concerned with the wrong issues and causes....*sigh* But I have to try to not do that. And maybe just laugh instead.
So yeah, if you have any advice, let me know. I'm not interested in changing my entire nature, but I could use some tips to make life easier.
